The procedure

Realised I never shared the procedure with you.

We used fresh sperm and our donor came and gave his bits a good shake. Then the clinic washed the sperm, took out all the sperm with low motility and gave them a stimulant. This took a bout an hour and a half. Meanwhile, we all ate lunch together.

When the clinic called us, we went back there and I was shown to a small room with my name on the door and a little table with kit on it. This included a small flexible syringe, surgical gloves etc. I had to remove all of my lower half clothing and cover myself up with a flowery gown. The nurse bade me lie on the bed and asked me to check the ne on the (bloody TINY!!!!) sperm vial. The bed in the room was just like all the others I have lain down on in Thailand for PAP smears and ultrasounds; it has stirrups and knee rests so you spread your legs just so.

After a short wait, the nurse asked me to confirm the name on the vial again, and the doctor came in! This was it!!! I didn’t have any nerves Or doubts about the procedure. I suppose running through my mind was the thought that I wanted it all to be finished and fast forwarded to the time I could know the result. Well, Patience is not my middle name.

Step by step, doctor makes small talk then puts in a speculum to make your woo woo into a nice open tunnel. He can’t do his job till all the fertile mucous is cleared, so swabbing that out is the next thing. The whole thing feels exactly like a pap smear, even threading that little skinny tube through the cervix. You can sort of feel it, but not much. That is the next thing, and then of course he transfers the contents of the tiny test-tube into the tiny syringe.

My eyes were wide open and staring at the ceiling, as though in a dark cave, and seeking sensory input… But I couldn’t feel anything except that light tension that feels as though it is at the very core of your womanhood. I hate to be repetitive, but it is like nothing but a PAP smear; tug tug but no pain (or even discomfort, I’d say). You certainly don’t feel that magic juice leaving the syringe and entering your uterus. A totally unnoticeable moment!

Then they leave you there, lying on your back, hips up and fingers crossed. And then, after you have got dressed, it’s uh… Waiting and over-analysis time. In the online infertility community there are loads of impenetrable acronyms referring to drugs, pee-sticks, waiting etc.

I am now 7PO and enduring my 2WW to find out whether after my HPT I’ll be getting a BFP or BFN.

Can you decipher it? Lol!

PO = post ovulation
2WW= 2 week wait
BFP = (big fat??) positive (result of preg test)
BFN = (big fat??) negative
HPT = home pregnancy test.

Wish me luck !!!!


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