Am I tiring of this city? Is home beckoning me because I want to be near my mum and dad now I am pregnant?
Is it the ripe smells making me feel nauseous? Bangkok is full of scents, both acrid and inviting – I used to chuckle about them. Not at the moment.
Is it that I feel fat and heavy..?
Is it my employer, whose philosophies I struggle with?
Is it the relentless concrete? Concrete I can handle, but I want to sit in the park or feel sea lapping at my toes.
Is it the politicians? I hate all politicians, so I can’t really blame that.
Even the world renowned cuisine is turning me off.
If I feel homesick , I just need to remember that it will always be my home. It isn’t going anywhere. Coming to Bangkok was one of the cleverest decisions I ever made and I never intended to be here even this long. It has got under my skin, and I love that I have Thai friends and have a good knowledge of this city. In addition, life is cheap here – I have been able to clear a good chunk of my mortgage; truly experience another culture and learn another language (my Thai is pretty good, but my one bugbear is that I still can’t read and write confidently… a tall order). I have been diving in some of the most beautiful places in the world, I have had the chance to take some really beautiful photographs and develop my craft.
Of course, most importantly, my time in Thailand has given me the opportunity to meet the best woman in the world. If I hadn’t been here, we simply wouldn’t have met. I often reflect on the fleeting opportunities that might have otherwise have passed us by. When we met on the island paradise of Koh Chang, A presented a far more confident woman than she actually is. She had her own business, listed in the Lonely Planet, she was helpful, smart and successful. I had no idea that she was interested in me, and didn’t have her down as the shy type. She was (is) also absolutely beautiful and I was terrified of making a fool out of myself. I mean, I would never have dared approach such a beautiful girl. Luckily, after trying to get it out of me for a while, she bashfully made the first move, and we have been almost inseparable ever since. We are now going to be a family – Bangkok has also given me that opportunity. My life is taking shape and we, as a unit will plan our next steps. How is that for a positive outcome?! 🙂
Anyway, I feel that I want to show this amazing woman who is going to be my partner, companion and wife, my home. The place from whence I came! I want her to sit in my parents’ back garden and play with our kids; I want her to walk along the seafront in the brisk spring sunshine. I want to take her to all the cool museums in London whilst pushing the terrible two in a pushchair…. I want to take her to Britain’s rugged coastlines and be windswept. I want to get home in the cold winters in the pitch black and cuddle up.
I want us to find and buy a home together. I want us to navigate the storms of raising a family and protecting our children from harm; to help each other steer them through adolescence and into university. I want to make her afternoon tea when we have retired, and Skype our successful kids from their homes.
Am I fed up with Bangkok? Maybe, but it was still one of the best decisions I ever made. It has borne me untold and unforeseen gifts. I am bathed in love and it is growing inside me.